Nonviolent Communication: A Radical Approach
I must say I really enjoy this video clip of Ven. Jigme speaking about Nonviolent Communication. She lives at the Sravasti Abbey outside Newport, WA where it appears people in her community have been practicing NVC for a few years. She does a beautiful job of describing the radical essence of NVC reminding us that NVC is an extraordinary tool to help us examine how we approach our exchanges and that it takes time. In a nutshell, to practice NVC is to train yourself to do the following:
- Regularly check your intention to see if you're as interested in others getting their needs met as your own.
- When asking someone to do something, check first to see if you are making a request or a demand.
- Instead of saying what you don't want someone to do, say what you want them to do.
- Instead of saying what you want someone to be, say what action you would like that person to take that you hope would help them to be that way.
- Before agreeing or disagreeing with other people's opinions, try to tune into what they are feeling and needing.
- Instead of saying "NO" say what need of yours prevents you from saying yes.
- If you are feeling upset, think about what need of yours isn't being met and what you could do to meet it instead of thinking about what's wrong with others or with yourself.
- Instead of praising someone who did something you like, express your gratitude by telling the person what need of yours that action met.
I appreciate Ven. Jigme's candidness when she shares that it takes time to learn NVC. Yes it does. It takes considerable time and yet I can't think of more important learning given that we are immersed in a world of relating and that consequently our well being at both micro and macro levels depends on our ability to connect well with each other. After 12 years of practice and teaching NVC, I can absolutely say that this stuff will rock your world!